I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
