she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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