Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
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It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
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I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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