She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
