my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
