You're completely useless in the revolution.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
