STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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