Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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