she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
