Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
