I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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