Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
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she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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