I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
