i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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