I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
