and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
