Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
