The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
