she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize