dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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