She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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