We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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