If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
