dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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