She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
