You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
