and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
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Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
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But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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