Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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