1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
