you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
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I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
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And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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