i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
