i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
