I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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