woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
