Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
