**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
