But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
