; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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