i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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