Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
