Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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