This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
