The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
