Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
