So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
