wake up i wanna do it froggy style
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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