How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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