Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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