just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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