My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
