kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
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i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
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I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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