i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
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