Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
