i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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