CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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