The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
