I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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