so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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