I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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