super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
