I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
