Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
This is my gift to your gina
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
