even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
