I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
