Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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