I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
