i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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